Reflections From a Chinese Adoptee Living in China
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By Kaila
Adoptee, 29
From Gejiu, Yunnan; Living in Shanghai (previously Denver, USA)
The past few months have been an influx of reflections on my experience as an adoptee from China for a myriad of reasons. I found out with the rest of the world that China had ended foreign adoption. At the same time, I had found out only a month before that I was pregnant and expecting my first child. It also happens that I live in Shanghai, China where I have resided for the past six years. My lens comes from the perspective of an adoptee who grew up with an adoptee community, was fortunate enough to do a homeland tour when I was 10 years old, go back on a teen adoptee trip when I was 13, and then as an adult live and work in the country I was born in and visit my orphanage for the second time.
I don’t take it for granted that I have always been connected to my birth country, China, all thanks to my family that made adoption and China a significant and consistent part of my life since the beginning (whether I liked it or not at times). Growing up, I attended Chinese Heritage camps almost every year in Colorado, Chinese language and dance lessons on the weekends (until my interests in soccer and other hobbies took over), and knew other families with adopted kids from China. I know many adoptees don’t have the lens of being connected to their birth country growing up, which informs and influences the perspective they see life and adoption through.
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When I heard the news that China was closing adoption to all foreign citizens, I was surprised by the response from the adoptee community. My surprise was also informed by my experience volunteering at a hospital in Shanghai where kids growing up in orphanages all over China come to get specialized medical care that might not be available in their provinces. I started volunteering right away when I moved to Shanghai in 2018 and it’s been one of the most profound experiences of my life. In 2018 and 2019 prior to Covid, I was able to watch kids receive life changing medical treatment before being adopted to families around the world. Their lives were forever changed by these often lifesaving medical treatments. These were babies and children with complex and different abilities/needs. It was amazing to see them while at the hospital, then hear from their families later how they were doing after adoption.
I acknowledge the complexities of the adoptee experience and have had my own challenges with mental health. Whether they stemmed from being adopted, predispositions in my genetics, or because of life experiences, I also have gone through deeply challenging times in my life that I was only able to come out on the other side with the support of family, friends, and medical help including therapy.
My reaction was of a lot of sadness that China was closing adoptions and the way I perceived it to be done so abruptly was not the overall feeling of many other adoptees who initially voiced their feelings of joy and sentiments of “finally.” I have so much respect for how any adoptee feels and where they are in their own journey. As someone who is getting ready to be a mother (or already is in many ways, being pregnant), I felt deeply sad for all the kids who, with this change, will now grow up in orphanages. I am especially sad for those kids already matched with families. I can understand the perspective of growing up in an orphanage still means growing up in the birth country. However, my experience having visited my own orphanage twice and other orphanages around China, is that kids need families. They need people who love and care for them. I also feel for the birth families who, by choice (and some of it wasn’t really a true choice because their decision was informed by Chinese policies) and despite all circumstances had a kid and put them in a police station or busy place knowing they would be found by other people. I can’t imagine the difficulty, fear, and despair those families must have felt.
I feel like I am an “older adoptee” as I was born in 1994 and adopted in 1995 during the early waves of international adoption. My perspective is very different now as an almost 30 year old compared to when I was a teenager or student in college. My perspective is different now as a mother and someone who has lived in China for over six years now. My perspective is different as someone who has always been deeply connected to China thanks to the decisions of my family that raising me, also meant connecting me to my birth country and story.
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Of course, families all over the world should have the support and financial means to take care of their family planning and choices without influence from government or external forces. As many adoptees are getting older and finding out more about their origins and biological families, there are stories of deep nuance and complexity. I am deeply empathetic to kids, especially those with medical needs, that will likely grow up in an orphanage. Some of whom had been matched to families that were matched prior to the borders closing in China in 2020 due to Covid. The families that have been waiting some for 3,4, and even 5 years for travel clearance for only this most recent announcement to stop the path they and their matched families were on. Kids who are very unlikely to be adopted domestically. Domestic adoption, while in many ways ideal, is not always a reality due to culture, norms, and history. My belief is that countries should not have to adopt kids from other countries. However, when the kids are not being domestically adopted, what is the solution? I’m sure there are voices far more knowledgeable than mine that have the answer to this, but it’s a question that I ask myself.
My feelings may change and probably will over time. And I hope all adoptees know that their feelings right now might change too, and probably will. If we are all lucky enough to continue to experience the surprises of life, the only thing that is certain is that it will all change. I never predicted that I would live in China one day as an adult, live here for more than six years, build my family here, and eventually have my own kid here. That’s the beautiful and unpredictable complexity of the gift we are so lucky to get to experience another day of.
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The views expressed in blog posts reflect those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the shared views of The Nanchang Project as a whole.
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